A New Life Known By Christ

Not too long ago, I didn’t know the true purpose of this life and the meaning of it. It may ring true for many of us walking on this earth, but in one powerful moment, the Lord tugged at my heart. He didn’t stop in that one moment, but continued to renew my mind to understand His will. Once my heart started opening up, my mind sought His Word. Once my mind opened its doors to God’s revelation, my heart learned to align what belief in Him truly means.

It is no longer surprising to me how our God speaks to us. At the same time though, when it happens, I’m shocked and is marveled at His goodness. As I look back in this blog, I didn’t write anything for one and a half years… yet the Lord did a work in me through it. The yearning to understand God started in early 2022 (maybe 2021). It may seem like He was quiet through my life — if all of it was seen through this blog, but not so. I’m in awe of Him. I’m in awe of how intently He listens to my prayers. I’m amazed in how relentlessly He pursued me. Like the sheep who strayed away, He came and brought me back.

I think of a time, years ago, when I was young… I don’t quite remember all of my relatives since they live far away, but there was always one aunt who was a constant in my life. I grew up with her and witnessed her quiet spirit. Her spirit seemed sad, but yet, she remained joyful. She was the only one I knew that knows about Jesus, but we didn’t talk about Him much. When I became a Christian, we still didn’t speak regarding our Savior.

There was no church going, or prayers, or anything to show evidence of a life lived in Christ. As I grew older, decades later, I wondered about her heart. Did she pray often? Will I ever get to talk to her about Jesus, or share my faith? The Lord showed me a random vision, and a word through people that wasn’t really connected with each other. There is a certain cancer that cannot be known until it is likely too late. I told myself, I don’t need to get checked for that. One of my sister in laws explained to me that the reason why regular checkup is needed was because it doesn’t hurt until it really is too late. Months later, the news was revealed. My aunt, my sweet aunt… was battling with this type of cancer.

Throughout the year, I saw her change… not for the better. The worse she got, the more she opened up. I remember the day I visited her last, she was resting in her room. I received a text from her asking me to come in. That conversation was the most beautiful conversation I’ve ever had with her. Her emotions, her hope, and her fear all came rushing out. She asked me if it was wrong for her to blame God? I saw the pain in her eyes and the hope she yearns to hear.

The Lord loves her and knows her, she is His daughter, and He longs for her to come to Him. In all her anger, her pain, her sadness, her hopelessness, all of it… He wants her to come to Him. He knows every part of us already, yet He still desires us to come to Him. The tears that ran down her face spoke volumes as I watched. It looked like relief. It looked like healing, and it looked very much like someone who was very loved by God.

A couple of months later, she passed away. I desired to see her one more time just a month before, but she asked me not to come. I was left with questions and fear wondering where she might have gone, or not gone. I didn’t know her faith and I didn’t know if she truly had a relationship with Jesus. I did know she longed for Him. I was in regrets asking myself why did it take us this long to talk about our heavenly Father, of the Savior who went down to this earth to give us salvation?

I did not know if she is with Jesus – and I was in shambles in my thoughts.

I didn’t know how much I loved her and how much I missed her… still miss her. The pillowcases on my bed were drenched in tears I didn’t know I would shed. I felt darkness, yet I didn’t truly believe it was darkness. As the hope starts to wither in my soul, my soul itself reminded my spirit. I remembered that God is the God who listens, and draws near to the broken hearted. I asked God if she is with Him. I asked Him, how late is too late for a relationship with You? Can someone have a complete change of heart when their lives draws near to an end? And if He welcomes them?

I fall asleep soon after, and as I woke up, I remembered an image so vividly clear. Was it a dream? or the Holy Spirit revealing a moment of what I currently know as time, yet it is forever where she is? I saw a younger woman with long black hair. A skin that was lighted, and a smile that transcended all kinds of reality. The pure joy that emitted from her, I wondered where she was. I looked past her now, and saw her surroundings. It was green grass, trees, blue skies, and flowers I’ve never seen before. She was walking through a field, and it seemed like she was without time.

She looked like my aunt, but she also didn’t look like my aunt. There was a lingering image that follows behind the woman that I know is my aunt. I still see it now.

Lord, I find You faithful in all You do. How do You see the deepest parts of my heart and what it yearns to understand? I don’t know if I soothed myself or if it was You. I think it was You because it looked so real. My soul rests because of Your goodness and I am left with peace as she is in Your presence. I will not yet understand until it is my time, but I will ask You then. This is Your heart, Lord. You desire us to come to You and You reveal it as not too late. You are patient because You long to see us with You. How good are You, Lord? I will never understand. Thank You for who You are and the type of love You give and show us. It never fails. I pray that You continue to work in me, and in those that were a connection to my aunt, Lord. May they know You, may they be consumed by Your Love, and follow You in all the days of their lives. Amen.

As I look forward, I find myself in places I can’t comfort myself in. There is this whisper that tells me to find this discomfort as comfort. The Lord changes what I understand these words to mean, and I know it is for His Glory, for our good, and for salvation. I remember the lives of the people in the bible, and none of them, is what we know to be in comfort as we understand it to be. Yet, they’re comforted by the Lord.

This is a new life, one that I don’t understand, but one that I am willing to step into. As the Lord opens new pathways, the more He reveals what will come. With each step, the Lord will lead. With each leading, I will walk with You.