What’s It Mean To Walk By Faith & Not By Sight?

Dear Friends,

When it gets tough. When it gets painful. When you are consumed with doubt. Three things that doesn’t sound good. Yikes. It’s enough to deter anyone, from anything.

Especially when you’re trying to know Jesus. The road gets tougher first when you thought it should’ve been better.

If it happens to you, there are three circumstances that you can watch for. With that, you can choose how to react in your early beginnings with Jesus.

Well, it’s that time again when my hubby has a graveyard shift! I never can sleep right whenever he’s not next to me. I know, I’m a big baby but what can I do?

Well, I can blog! Haha, it’s been actually a few days now since my last post. I was washing dishes today, or actually just kidding, I was LOOKING at the sink full of dishes and I remembered something. It was something from long ago. Seventeen years to be exact.

Sometimes when God speaks to me, it’s not really words. It’s a visual like a picture that tells a story if that makes sense. I never really know how it works, but all I know is that He speaks and I have to share it!

It led me to think about the time when I was actively, physically showing outwardly that I was pursuing Jesus.

Like, going to church, youth group at the UW, and reading the Bible. That caused an uproar within my family. I have this assurance that God wanted me to talk about this tonight because It’s important to know that the beginnings of your journey with Jesus will be tough, painful, and probably willnbe full of tears and doubts.

I want to liken it to growing pains, but this is within the heart and mind. Of course, that stings the most if you are coming out of any religion at all, or atheism. Be assured that whatever you are going through, God knows it. It is the first step of faith for you to trust that He will carry you through it all.

There are three things that might stop you from getting to know Jesus, and sadly, it comes from those closest to you.

The First Backlash: Your Family

As a parent myself, I understand the hurt. I understand their feelings of failure, embarrassment, and confusion of how it ever came to be.

I remember my mom grabbing her Quran and citing verses that said I must be disowned. I actually can’t remember the rest, but that one stood out the most. If I’m not mistaken, are the parents condemned to hell if their child leaves Islam? I can recall it somewhat, 50% clarity, but I remember the confusion in my mind.

Instead of falling in the fear bait, it just added more questions in my list of unanswered questions.

“God really is like that to tell parents to actually disown their children?”

“Is God’s love really that conditional?”

“Is God really that type of God to condemn someone to hell for another’s doing? How does even one person control another’s actions? How is that even fair to that one person? Doesn’t that disqualify their life entirely?”

I remember staying at a friends house, my boyfriend’s (husband now) house, and I just remember place hopping all the time because I wasn’t allowed at home.

Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.” Luke 12:51-53

I remember asking God why He’s letting this happen. Doubt one has entered and it felt hard to trust. This is a verse I didn’t really know about when I was going through this. I’m sharing that because whatever you’re going through with your family is not a surprise to God. He knew it and He prepares for you to understand why the division is happening.

Truth causes division because it convicts the other person to also think and find the Truth, or fight against it.

It causes division because not everyone believes in Jesus and that causes an uproar.

While that exact verse doesn’t really offer a solution, but it does offer peace and knowledge that God knows it always happens. He informs this so that you may not be pulled away from Him because of it.

But know this, He is a God who also restores.

The second thing that may cause you to steer off your path is that there are some new people in your life that should be helping you in your new journey, but tests you instead. This is a hard one.

The Second Backlash: Others

When I say it’s a hard one, it’s because you already feel alone. I felt so alone that I needed a lot of people to support me since I didn’t have it within my family. I confided in a new person that I thought would be my safe haven, that would welcome me with open arms, and help me with my new journey. Well it wasn’t a safe haven.

Please don’t get me wrong, there will be many people who will be there for you and help you. I’ve mentioned this in the past few posts and who played a big part in encouraging me to follow Jesus with my whole heart.

I’m sharing this other part so that you could know what to expect and what to watch for regarding the people who will possibly try to steer you off. This is so you could know how to spot it, react, and how you could fight against it.

I knew my family wouldn’t be happy about it, but I didn’t know that others outside of them would test me. There were not many people who would steer me off outside of my family, but there was one that stood out.

Maybe it wasn’t intentional, but it almost made me give up knowing Jesus entirely. She seemed so genuine. She seemed so loving. I stayed with her for weekends. I asked her if it was okay if I could stay in her extra room to study the Bible and spend alone time with God. Something I knew I needed as my armor for when I go back to my family’s house.

It never really happened the way I was hoping for. I got as far as the first few chapters in Genesis before I was expected to be out of the room and be social, or to eat breakfast and meals at a certain time. The thing was, I wanted to fast so I could hear God more clearly. But I didn’t want to seem rude or seem like I was still a muslim. I remember hoping not to eat breakfast mostly because I never really did eat breakfast. I’m a brunch kind of gal. I was also afraid because I knew they ate pork for breakfast.

As a new Christian, all my life at that time, I have never eaten pork due to the religion. So I knew, that I wasn’t ready to eat it. Would I even like it? Besides, I am not an early breakfast eater, let alone meat, let alone pork. I remembered the whole atmosphere just changed and I questioned why I even stayed there. Suddenly, I felt like I had something to prove and put in the spotlight. And I wasn’t ready.

I came into the kitchen and politely denied the sausages and ate eggs and rice instead. Later on, it blew up. I was accused that I was lying about my Christianity. There were accusations and random statements like, “Christians eat pork”. Honestly, after that, I ate it. I remember the sick feeling I felt. Not actually by how it tasted because it tasted pretty darn good.

But that wasn’t the point. That was my first time eating it, and I was bullied into it. I started to question Christianity. If this is Christianity, then I didn’t want it. I felt as if it was another Islam. The bullying and the fear tactics are all too familiar. I said to myself, “I don’t want Jesus if He is just going to bully me like Allah does.” All these rules of what I must eat or not eat is all too familiar of the same thing. What’s the next rule must I not break? God still didn’t seem like love. This was a huge stumble, like a big piece of wooden plank on a cloudy day at the beach that I tripped over and my foot got seriously stuck in it.

The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, for the ears of the wise seek it out. Proverbs 18:15

This is where your discernment should come in.

Read the Bible and wear those Words as your armor. That was my dilemma.

I had no place and no time to study to renew my mind.

Be persistent to find those in your new walk who will truly mentor you and allow you to study the Word. Ask them questions if you don’t understand. Keep seeking and walk by faith. Do not depend on one person, but a multitude until you find those that you know will truly show you who Christ is.

Anyway, by this time, my mom has cooled off and I was able to stay at home again. She told me I could not bring my Bible to their place. That was the deal, so I took it. I remember that Sunday night as I was unable to fall asleep, with so many thoughts and doubts in my mind.

There will be people in your life, even Christians, who will preach one thing, but does the opposite. Who will accuse and test you. Don’t be alarmed or fooled. Don’t let it stumble you like it did me. To know the characteristics of Christ is to know peace. Truth be told, this will happen for the rest of your life and as you grow in your faith, you will learn to discern quickly. Be open to hear God who guides you.

The Last Backlash: You.

This one is the most difficult one because you’re fighting against yourself in your mind. The domain where doubts will reside in if you let it. There will be thoughts if God is even real, why there are even Christians who will question you and test you – like the community you’re in isn’t attacking you enough already, and if it all is even worth it to literally lose your family life over something that seemed so unattainable.

I remember it like it was yesterday. The war in my mind. The hopelessness. The tunnel ahead was so dark and I could not see the light to find my way. With all the doubts in my mind that Jesus was even real or good, somehow I still started to pray.

I closed my eyes and gave it one last try.

God. Jesus. Whoever you are.

If you’re real…

Then you know how I feel. I don’t know You, but I want to know you. Show me who You truly are. I can’t understand who You are.

I’m losing my family over You.

Why is this even happening? Why does my world seem so small? My parents are mad. My brother doesn’t talk to me. Why do You seem so quiet, God? If you’re real and you want me to still know you… show me something.

It was 3 AM by this time and I turned over to the left to try and close my eyes. As I turned, I saw an orb like bright light fly through across that side of the room where the closet was. It was blue, but white, but royal blue? Bizarre. I’ve never seen a light that bright before.

Well, I must be dreaming or just gone insane.

I got scared and hid myself under the covers. I remember my heart beating so hard that I could hear it. Gosh, I remember how hard it was to breathe under the covers. All of a sudden, peace came in. I started seeing images in my mind.

The images of my friend April’s parents being the people that will guide me. The family I just met at the church will be another one. And that family taught me a lot in the next coming months! That’s something I need to write about, too!

The message was not to let people’s attacks be the focus, but pay mind to those that will show me peace even through a storm. Because peace is of God, and love is of God and that’s how I will know that God is working.

All this seemed so small and obvious now, but at the time back then, it was not. I had not yet grown in faith or mindset. I needed someone to remind me. Whether it’s through prayer or through people that love and know Jesus.

This is why I wrote this post, so I can help to remind you.

I don’t want you to feel lost and confused, let alone dwelling in that too long. I pray that you aren’t alone even if you feel like it. Don’t focus on the bad.

The focus is that God shows up, in weird ways. He shows up through select people, through that random warm feeling you randomly get out of nowhere, and even through a blog post that you stumbled unto.

For we walk by faith, not by sight.
2 Corinthians 5:7

Lastly, this is the perfect verse to end this letter. If we only go by what we see, then we will easily be swayed. But if we walk by faith and trust in the Lord, can you imagine the strength you’ll have? The wisdom you’ll learn? The peace that will reside in you? It Is just that amazing.